The Evil Insane Mind of Doctor Falkie
by Red Witch
Summary: Someone finally believes Dib, but is Dib's new ally really his enemy? Will Dib be making a huge mistake trusting him? What do you think?


**I don't own anything. Not even the idea of a Doctor Falkie. But I do imagine what he might look like and how he acts. Just a thought. MADNESS! **

**The Evil Insane Mind of Doctor Falkie**

"There is no mistake members of the Swollen Eyeballs! Aliens are among us! And the time to act is **now**! If we don't it will be the end of the world as we **know it!" **

The Head of the Swollen Eyeballs, codenamed Tuna Fish sighed. He'd heard it all before. However this time the person doing the ranting **wasn't** Dib.

"I'm telling all of you! Earth has been **invaded!**" The person doing the ranting was a fifty something year old man with a mostly bald head with pointy grey hair on the sides. He had bushy eyebrows and a grey mustache. He was tall and thin with a large crooked nose.

"Doctor Falkie…" Tuna Fish sighed. "Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

"No, I'm not being a **little** melodramatic! I'm being **very **melodramatic!" Falkie raised his arms wildly. "That's how serious this situation is! I am a very important and well respected member of the scientific community! You must **respect me!"**

"Aren't you the nut who drinks his own urine?" Someone called out.

"No, I am **not **the nut who drinks his own urine! That's **unsanitary!**" Falkie bristled. "I **recycle** water from my urine and sterilize it because the water supply is tainted with drugs! Give me **some** credit here!"

"Well if there's drugs in the water couldn't you just simply clean and sterilize the water **instead**?" The same member of the Swollen Eyeballs asked.

"You know I always wondered about that," Tuna Fish blinked. "I mean that's what I do. I mean everybody knows there's stuff in the water but come on…"

"Oh no, not **this** argument again!" Another member of the Swollen Eyeballs groaned.

"The government is tainting our entire food supply with drugs to keep us under control and stupid!" Falkie shouted. "That's so the aliens running the government can keep us under their thumb!"

"Aliens…Yeah right," A Swollen Eyeballs member grunted. "Everybody really knows that it's the Dairy Council that's running the government!"

"No, it's the Tobacco Corporation," Another snapped. "They're the ones really in charge."

"You're both crazy," Another shouted. "All the evidence clearly points to The International Brotherhood of Fashion Designers that…."

"NO! NO! NO! WE ARE **NOT** HAVING THIS ARGUMENT TODAY!" Tuna Fish yelled. "Especially since we haven't finished paying for all the medical bills after the **last** time we had this argument."

"Oh yeah…That fight did kind of get a little out of hand," Agent Darkbootie scratched his head.

"A little? Who brings a laser cannon prototype to a **debate?**" Tuna Fish groaned.

"Well it wasn't on **purpose,**" Falkie snorted. "I just happened to leave it in the back of my truck. I was going to use it to carve a new statue in the old quarry and…"

Everyone glared at him. "Let's get back to the alien thing. Look at the **evidence!** All the bizarre incidents that have been happening since that strange signal was intercepted!" Doctor Falkie shouted as he showed them the papers. "A giant mutated hamster running around destroying the city! A giant house running around destroying the city! A flying pig ridden by an alien and some kind of android flying around in the city and crash landing in the middle of an alien life convention! What more do you need?"

"Have you been talking to Membrane's crazy son?" A Swollen Eyeballs member asked.

"**No**, I am **not** just talking about Membrane's crazy son!" Falkie shouted. He pointed to a folder. "I have exactly five thousand three hundred and sixty three documented witnesses of bizarre paranormal activity during the past year and a half! Admittedly four thousand two hundred and fifty four of them are confirmed morons, stoners or lunatics but there's still a lot of evidence!"

"Is he going to be **done** soon?" One member asked another. "I need to hit the can."

"Look! A Krazy Taco employee reports that he gave an order and received money from a green skinned alien with red eyes in that giant house that ran amok," Falkie showed them pictures from a slideshow.

"And that exact **same** Krazy Taco employee was busted a week later for smoking weed," Tuna Fish grumbled.

"Two of our cities finest police officers reported seeing that very same alien and that silver robot riding a giant flying pig on the interstate!" Falkie went on.

"Which turned out to be nothing more than a crazy publicity stunt the promoters of the science convention put on," Tuna Fish said.

"They didn't admit to that!" Falkie said. "That was just the story the government put out!"

"Yes they did," Tuna Fish said. "Granted they did that after some very painful electroshock treatments to the brain and being threatened with a lawsuit but they admitted it."

"What about the giant invisible robot that trashed downtown and several blocks?" Falkie shouted. "An alien was seen piloting it!"

"That incident is still under investigation. It could be mass hysteria," Tuna Fish shrugged.

"THERE ARE GIANT FOOT SIZED POTHOLES ON NEARY FIVE BLOCKS!" Falkie shouted.

"Well those roads have needed repair for some time now," Tuna Fish shrugged.

"What about the number of huge blackouts throughout the city? And the giant waves of destruction and…Destroyed buildings?" Falkie shouted. "And what about that whole Mars incident where it disappeared then reappeared and in the middle of that time some huge asteroid thing nearly crushed the Earth then went away at the last second? That wasn't an asteroid people! That was MARS! COME ON!"

"Are you suggesting that Mars just flew around of it's own accord?" A Swollen Eyeballs member asked. "Have you been talking to Bill?"

"All those in favor of expelling Falkie from the Swollen Eyeballs say EYE!" Tuna Fish spoke up.

"EYE!" All the Swollen Eyeballs shouted.

"Any opposed?" Tuna Fish asked.

"Do I get a vote?" Falkie blinked.

"Not really no," Tuna Fish snapped. "The eyes have it! Falkie as of today the Swollen Eyeballs are shut! To you."

"HOLD IT!" Falkie screamed. "Why are you just throwing me out like **that?** Look how many times you put up with Dib's insanity! And you're just throwing me out after **one meeting**?"

"Look we only put up with the Membrane kid for two reasons: One as a favor to his father," Tuna Fish remarked. "And two he might actually be a good agent when he grows up and gets his crazy out."

"Almost all members of the Swollen Eyeballs started out as crazy kids with overactive imaginations," Another member waved. "But we grew out of it when we became teenagers and started getting serious. Except for Bill but you know he's kind of the exception that proves the rule."

"Yeah Bill was never quite right after he got kicked in the head repeatedly by those crop making circle cows," Another said. "Actually he wasn't all there **before** that incident but still…"

"And Dib…I mean Agent Mothman has given us some interesting pictures of Mars and did something during that whole asteroid incident," Agent Darkbootie spoke up. "We're still debating exactly what happened but we know **something** did and Mothman was a part of it."

"So unlike you he's not **completely** useless," Tuna Fish grunted. "And like we said, he'll grow out of his crazy stage soon enough."

"I used to think my baby brother was an alien from outer space because he never grew but it turns out he was just infected with a weird disease that doesn't make babies grow," A younger Swollen Eyeball agent remarked. "Imagine, alien babies from outer space. What an imagination I had."

"I remember when I was a kid I was convinced that the planet Mars was actually a **spaceship!** A spaceship!" Tuna Fish snickered. "I spent nearly five years researching that theory. Boy am I glad **those** days are over."

"You're not listening to me are you?" Falkie frowned.

"What do **you** think?" Tuna Fish gave him a look.

"You're throwing me out because you can't handle the truth that aliens live among us!" Falkie screamed.

"That and the whole laser cannon at the debate incident, you Dip Weed," Agent Darkbootie glared at him.

"I said I was sorry for the maimings…" Falkie groaned.

The next thing Falkie knew he was flying headfirst into a pile of garbage in an alley. "You're going to regret this!" Falkie screamed as he raised his fist. "My dear departed mother was right! You are a bunch of losers!"

"Why didn't I listen to you Mama? WHY?" Falkie screamed to the heavens. "I'm going to get proof and get revenge on all of them! The Swollen Eyeballs, that jerk Membrane and his stupid kid Dib! The mailman who spies on me! The…Wait a second. That's it! Heh heh heh! THAT'S HOW I WILL GET MY REVENGE! HA HA HA…"

Just as he cackled a bird flew by pooping in his mouth. "BLEECCHHH! BLAH! BIRD MOUTH! AKKK!" He gagged. Then he licked his lips. "Actually…Not that bad. Needs salt…"

The following night….

"Are whales finally turning against us? Another whale smashes into an unsuspecting sailboat off the coast! No one was killed…This time," A strange looking host spoke. "But how long will it be until someone is **killed?** Are the whales finally turning on mankind? Well gee I wonder **why**? All we ever do is kill them for makeup and dump oil in their home! Do you know how much **crap** they put in the ocean nowadays? And don't get me **started** on BP! Because we all know how many conspiracies they're involved in!"

"There do seem to be a lot of conspiracies with that company," Dib thought as he watched the show with his sister.

"I gotta admit, if someone messed with my place I'd be ticked off," Gaz watched as well. She was on the floor surrounded by crayons and paper.

"Armageddon is coming people! But it ain't gonna be God that brings it! It's the corporations and mankind's own **greed**!" The host shouted. "And don't bother whining to me about it because you have nobody to blame but yourselves when the planet goes to Hell! So stop whining you **losers!** I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT! YOU HEAR ME! STOP WITH THE WHINING! SHUT UP!"

The host then composed himself. "That's all we have for today on Weird Wild World of Weirdness. Join me next week as we discuss the Fast Food Wars, their rise and competitions for global domination and how Laugh Lunches are slowly brainwashing our youth. Which fast food restaurants are on your side and which ones are out just to make a quick buck? The answers will surprise you on Weird Wild World of Weirdness!"

"Gotta admit, this new show is better than I thought it would be," Gaz shrugged as it ended.

"It's no Mysterious Mysteries but it will do in a pinch," Dib admitted. The doorbell rang. "Who could that be?"

"Well since Dad's not here it's either Zim or some other nut job," Gaz said as she kept drawing on her pad and paper.

Dib opened the door and there was a flash of lightning. Doctor Falkie stood there at the door. "Hello there. I'm Doctor Falkie."

"Told you…" Gaz didn't bother looking up from her pad.

"Falkie? Wait a minute, aren't you one of my Dad's rivals?" Dib blinked.

"Well technically nearly every scientist is your Dad's rival isn't it?" Falkie covered quickly. "There's just so many of us…"

"No I'm pretty sure my Dad hates you," Dib blinked.

"To be fair your father hates every other scientist out there," Falkie said. "But I've come to see **you**, young Dib!"

"Me? Why do you want to talk to **me**?" Dib asked.

"Maybe because he's brain damaged?" Gaz remarked as she drew a mutant pig on some paper.

"Well I know of you and as one of your father's respected colleagues…" Falkie began.

"No, my Dad doesn't respect you," Dib contradicted. "I've heard him call you a Dip Weed a lot of times."

"Be that as it **may**," Falkie gritted his teeth. Dib was already getting on his nerves. "I am with the Swollen Eyeballs and I was sent by them to help you on your latest project…Which is…?"

"You're here to help me fight Zim?" Dib was stunned. "Why didn't you say so earlier! Come on in!"

"Thank you," Falkie walked right in. "Now this Zim…He's…"

"An alien that's trying to take over the world!" Dib interrupted. "I've been trying to tell people about it for nearly two years but nobody **believes** me!"

"**I** believe you, Dib," Falkie said smoothly. "In fact I know for a fact that aliens are behind all the weird happenings around this city."

"Finally! **Somebody** gets it!" Dib was happy.

"Oh you're gonna **get it** all right when Dad figures out that you invited strangers in our home," Gaz snorted. "Of course they can't be any stranger than Zim."

"Dad's away at that stupid conference in Paris for the next three weeks," Dib groaned. "He's not gonna know. Besides I'm not the one who set fire to his closet!"

"That was one of Dad's stupid inventions backfiring," Gaz grumbled. "Why anyone would think a portable pocket Bunsen burner is a good idea is beyond me."

"Well such things are beyond the grasp of a little girl like you," Falkie waved. "Why don't you go and let us boys talk science and aliens now will you?" Gaz gave him a very evil look but said nothing.

"But Gaz is my partner!" Dib protested.

"No, I'm not," Gaz said.

"Yes, she's not! She's just a **girl!**" Falkie cackled. Gaz gave him an evil look. "Run along and play little girl."

"But Gaz can…" Dib began.

"Forget it. I don't want to be around you two **jerks!**" Gaz stormed out of the room.

"Dib, show me all your evidence on Zim," Falkie asked.

It wasn't long before Falkie was in Dib's room looking at his research. "This is really fascinating," Falkie was impressed. "How can a dog walk upright and carry out a garbage can? It's impossible unless it's not a real dog at all! And that boy with green skin and no nose or ears? That's not just a genetic mutation!"

"Exactly!" Dib said. "Finally! Somebody sees the truth!"

"And you say you know where this alien's base is and memorized the exits and entrances?" Falkie asked.

"Uh huh," Dib showed him using his computer. "Zim's security is tight but we might be able to squeeze through. Zim's always trying to hack into my computer to stop me. He even tried this morning but I always find a way to thwart him! That's such a **fun** word to say. Thwart…"

"I see…Oh this is going well! Better than I could ever hope for! Yes Mama! We are so gonna get him! We're gonna get all of them!" Falkie cackled. "WE'RE GONNA SHOW THEM ALL!"

Dib gave him an odd look. "The aliens I mean," Falkie covered quickly. "We are going to get the aliens. Don't mind me. I talk to myself sometimes."

"You do that too?" Dib asked. "I thought I was the only one who did that?"

"Well it helps if I have someone to talk to and if there's no one there, I talk to myself," Falkie shrugged.

"Me too!" Dib was surprised. "Wow. We really are alike!"

"Uh Dib…I'm getting kind of hungry. Do you have any chips or something?" Falkie asked innocently.

"Oh yeah I got lots of stuff! I'll go get some snacks! Partner!" Dib squealed as he ran off.

"Huh, that was easy. Seems Membrane's son is even more gullible than his father. Now to get into Membrane's secret files…" Falkie snorted. "Heh…Heh…Heh!"

He pulled out a small device that attached itself into Dib's computer. "By using my special computer hacking device, I'll use Dib's computer to access Membrane's computer and download his most secret files! And copy a few files from Dib's computer! Ha! This is just too easy!"

Falkie read the files. "You would think that a genius scientist like Membrane would have a better security password than Science Rules! But he doesn't! His short sightedness will be my….Well, well, well…What have we here? All Membrane's most secret projects! Super Pluton Toast…Stupid…New laser weapons for the government…all right that's passable. Secret human cloning project? BINGO! Well, well, well…What have you **done **Membrane? Heh, heh, heh!"

"What are **you **doing?" Gaz snarled as she stood at Dib's door.

"Oh nothing! Nothing! Just looking at your brother's fascinating evidence about aliens that's all!" Falkie quickly hid the files and pulled back his own hacking device.

"You're just **using** Dib for your own stupid research aren't you?" Gaz raised an eyebrow in anger.

"Using him! Now don't be silly! What ever gave you that idea?" Falkie laughed innocently.

"For starters, that hacking device you're trying to hide in your pocket," Gaz pointed.

"What this thing? Oh it's just a…portable music device! La La La!" Falkie pretended it was an Ipod and danced around. "Yes! Get down and boogie!" Gaz was not buying it.

"I got the chips!" Dib came in with a tray. "I didn't know what kind you liked so I got both ruffled and unruffled, ranch, double cheddar which I think goes quite nicely with…"

"There's no time for that Dib!" Falkie said quickly. "We need to go to Zim's house and capture the alien now! He's plotting to take over the Earth as we speak!"

"He is? Oh boy!" Dib said.

"Yes! Only time for a quick drink!" Falkie pulled out a reusable water bottle and drank what was inside. "Refreshing!" He dropped it. "Here little girl. Go play with this!" He gave Gaz a squeaky doll from his pockets. "Let's go Dib!" He grabbed Dib and they ran out the door.

"Oh he is so going to **pay**…" Gaz gritted her teeth and squeezed the doll so hard the eyes bugged.

She then looked at the empty container on the floor and picked it up. She sniffed it and winced. "And why does this container smell like…?" Gaz gagged. "Oh that is so **gross!**"

Not long later in Zim's hidden base…

"Now…My only problem is how to get the hamsters to attack the right government officials?" Zim stared at the hamsters in a lab. "I can get them to attack Dib no problem. But eventually they are going to have to feed on flesh other than Dib-Meat."

One of the hamsters simply ate some pellets. "Hey! No eating when Zim is talking to you!" Zim yelled at the hamster. "You must not eat the pellets and crave the human meat! **Crave** it I tell you!"

"Hi Master!" Gir said cheerfully. Dib and Doctor Falkie were behind him. "Big Head is here and his new friend Not So Big Head!"

"WHAT?" Zim turned around and pointed to them. "How? How did **you **penetrate my impenetrable defenses! Which you **aren't** supposed to penetrate in any way! How? How? HOW?"

"You left your front door open," Dib said.

"Really?" Zim lowered an antennae.

"Yes," Dib said. "And Gir let us in through the toilet in the kitchen."

"He **did** now did he?" Zim glared at Gir.

"I like the floor!" Gir stared at the floor. "Hi floor! Meet my new friends!"

"**This** is an alien mastermind that's plotting to conquer the Earth?" Falkie gave Dib a look. "I mean alien is obvious but a **mastermind**? Seriously?"

"Hey! Do not mock **Zim!**" Zim shouted. "Zim is mighty and will make you suffer for your intrusion! You will suffer dearly at the hands of **Zim!** You…HEY PUT ME DOWN!" Zim yelled as Falkie casually picked him up.

"Amazing, he's so small!" Falkie looked at Zim.

"Put me down, smelly human filth!" Zim struggled to get free. "Gir! Gir help me! Do something!"

"Okay!" Gir said cheerfully. He ran around in circles and then did a little dance. "I'm doing a little dance! See my butt move! Whahooooooo!"

Falkie, Zim and Dib stared at Gir. "Uh just to clarify things. Is that robot infected with a virus or…?" Falkie asked.

"No, Gir always acts like that," Dib sighed.

"Always?" Falkie asked. "And you never tried to fix him?"

"Well I did **once,"** Zim stopped struggling and looked at Gir dancing. "But uh, it didn't end up so well."

"Do, do, do, dee doooh!" Gir danced around happily. "I'm a dancing machine! Whoooo!"

"No offense Zim but for a robot that's supposed to help you take over the world…" Falkie said. "It's not very…Helpful."

"I know, I know…" Zim sighed. "I mean…WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE THE ENEMY!" Zim used his Pak legs to break free and jump to the wall. "Prepare to suffer destruction at the hands of…"

Falkie calmly pulled a gun out of his coat pockets and shot Zim with some kind of rubber bandages that tied him up. "HEY! HEY! LET GO OF ME! HEY! NO FAIR!"

"Ha! That will teach you to mess with Earth, Zim!" Dib cackled. "We did it Doctor Falkie! We did it! We saved the world!"

"Yes, we certainly **did**…" Falkie smirked as he shot Dib with the same weapon and tied him up.

"Hey! Doctor Falkie! What are you **doing?**" Dib struggled against his bonds.

"Capturing you of course!" Falkie laughed. "Now not only do I have a real alien and all his technology for me to steal, I have the son of Professor Membrane in my clutches! HA HA HA!"

"You really are a dip weed!" Dib yelled.

"Yeah! You're a weedy dip!" Zim agreed.

"Oh come on Dib! You didn't really think I would let a prize specimen such as **you **go now would you?" Falkie snorted. "I mean the alien is fascinating enough but as far as revenge on Membrane is concerned, you're the **bigger** prize!"

"What do you mean?" Dib asked.

"He means your head is so big you could grow watermelons in it," Zim remarked.

"You can not!" Dib shouted.

"Can too!" Zim snapped. "He wants to study your big head and little brain!"

"For your information **Zim**, my brain fits my head perfectly!" Dib yelled.

"Half the solar system could fit in your head perfectly!" Zim snapped.

"Could not!" Dib yelled.

"Could so!" Zim yelled back.

"Shut up! This isn't about his **head!** Although I must admit it is rather large…This is about Dib being a…You don't know do you?" Falkie gave Dib a look. "You have no idea."

"No idea of what? What are you talking about?" Dib asked.

"You really don't know do you?" Falkie asked.

"I just said I **didn't!"** Dib snapped. "Why does everyone around me have terrible listening skills?"

"Sorry Dib Monkey did you say something?" Zim asked. "Zim was just thinking what a horrible predicament we're in."

"Oh for crying out loud Alien! Even you must have known when you hacked into the Membrane main computer! You know what I'm talking about!" Falkie shouted.

"I did?" Zim blinked. "I don't remember that."

"That was me!" Gir chirped. "I was looking for nachos!"

"Oh. Did you find any?" Zim asked.

"Nope. I found lots of funny pictures," Gir said.

"You're kidding me? Neither of you know?" Falkie shouted. "Typical! It's just like Membrane to hide the truth!"

"What does the Dib's parental unit have to do with this?" Zim asked.

"It's **obvious** Zim! Falkie hates my Dad because he's more successful than he is," Dib growled. "He's just using us to get to my Dad! And like a fool I **let** him!"

"True. But it's not like I had to work very hard," Falkie gave them a look. "I mean come on. Alien you left the front door of your base wide open and your robot is about as effective as a…" He watched Gir spin around and around on the floor. "Well it's just not very effective at all is it?"

"And **you**! You were so **desperate** for anyone to believe you and show you the slightest bit of attention you'd team up with one of your father's most powerful rivals!" Falkie laughed at Dib.

"You're not his most powerful rival," Dib frowned. "Dad just doesn't like you very much because he told me you used to pick on him when he was a kid."

"WELL HE DESERVED IT! HIM WITH HIS WEIRD HAIR!" Falkie shouted. "Weird unnatural hair! Hair he doesn't **appreciate!"** He rubbed his bald head. "And you! You've got the same creepy unnatural freakish hair!"

"It's not unnatural or freakish! It's **cool!**" Dib shouted.

"Yeah keep **telling **yourself that Dib," Zim rolled his eyes.

"IT'S FREAKISH!" Falkie screamed. "Freakish and unnatural which is no surprise considering what **you are!"**

"What are you **talking **about?" Dib asked.

Falkie cackled madly. "Success! After years of suffering under the yoke of that jerk Membrane I will finally get my revenge! Revenge when I not only show the entire world a real captured alien invader and his robot slave…But I get to reveal Professor Membrane's **deep dark family secret**! A secret that will destroy him completely! Once this secret gets out his career will be destroyed! Finished! He'll be spit upon and laughed at and thrown out of the scientific community headfirst! His stupid freaky pointy haired head will be thrown out the door and into a garbage pile! You hear me? OUT THE DOOR! HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE APPLES MAMA?"

"This guy is flying a Voot Cruiser without a warp drive," Zim lowered his antennae.

"Definitely crazy," Dib blinked. "Now I know why my Dad hates him so much."

"And knowing is a good reason to invest in a better security system," Zim groaned.

"That's right Mama! Your little boy is finally going to get the respect he deserves!" Falkie cackled madly. "I'm finally going to get Membrane! Imagine the hatred and scorn that will be heaped onto his freakish haired head when I tell the world…The world will finally know that he…Professor Membrane…"

WHONK!

"Ooooh! That kinda hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttt…." Falkie fell to the ground. Gaz smirked as she held the doll in her hands.

"What do you know? This stupid doll is good for something after all?" Gaz smirked.

"Gaz! You **saved** me!" Dib squealed as Gaz set them free.

"Yeah well, I got bored staying in the house with nothing good on TV," Gaz shrugged. "Besides. I really **don't** like this creep." She kicked Falkie hard in the ribs.

"Ooooh that hurts…" Falkie moaned before he passed out.

"No wonder Dad hates him. He's crazy. He was babbling something about Dad and me. And something about a deep dark family secret. You have any idea what he was talking about?"

"Not a clue," Gaz said with a straight face. "Don't listen to him. He's even weirder than **you** are. And believe me, that's an accomplishment."

She then looked at Zim and Dib. "Seriously, you two idiots can't do **anything** right! I'm getting kind of sick of rescuing you both from your own stupidity. The only reason I did it this time is that it gave me an excuse to hurt this moron." To emphasize her point she hit Falkie on the head with the doll again.

"Ha! You fell Falkie! You fell to the might of **Zim!**" Zim cried out in triumph.

"No, he didn't!" Dib snapped. "Gaz saved us!"

"Silence, Dib Stink! And since Falkie fell to **me,** I get to do what I want with him!" Zim cackled and rubbed his hands in anticipation.

"Zim, if anyone has the right to do **anything** to this jerk…" Dib began.

"Oh let Zim **have** him! Dib trust me, whatever Zim is planning. That guy **deserves** it," Gaz rolled her eyes.

"You have a point," Dib nodded. "But we get to watch."

"That sounds fair," Zim shrugged.

"That sounds like a lot more fun than cable," Gaz grinned.

Twenty minutes later Falkie woke up strapped down inside some kind of pod. "Comfortable?" Zim cackled.

"Ahhhahhhh!" Falkie struggled but he was tied up good.

"Listen Falkie I only have room for **one **major nemesis on this planet and it's the Dib Worm!" Zim snapped. "But since you so desire to study aliens up close and personal I think it's only appropriate that you get your **own **aliens to study."

"What are you going to do to me?" Falkie struggled in vain to escape.

"I'm going to send you to a few acquaintances of mine," Zim grinned as he prepared the pod. "I think the three of you will get along just fine. I hope you like **juice! MUAH HA HA HA HA!**"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Falkie screamed when Zim shut the pod. Zim pushed several buttons and the pod was launched into outer space.

"BYE! HAVE A GOOD TRIP!" Gir said cheerfully.

"Juice? Wait…Are you sending him to who I **think** you're going to send him to?" Dib asked.

"That's right! Ever since that little incident I've been keeping track of their spaceship so I would know if and when those fools ever came back to Earth," Zim snickered as he monitored the controls. "You know…in case they were going to bother me again."

"But those guys are **stupid!**" Dib said. "When I was captured it only took me three minutes to escape. I almost considered to try and capture them but then I realized they were too stupid for me to study."

"He's right. I think Falkie won't have any problems getting away from them," Gaz remarked.

"True, but since their ship is currently seven galaxies and several thousand light years away I think it will be quite a while before he gets back and bothers us," Zim snickered and pressed a button.

CRACK! SMASH!

The odd looking launch pad was destroyed. "Why did you wreck that launch pod thing?" Dib asked.

"Simple Dib Worm, so **you **could not use it yourself! HA HA HA!" Zim cackled.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to just send Dib away in one of those mail pods too?" Gir asked.

"Huh?" Zim blinked.

"Yeah you could have sent my brother away too," Gaz smirked. "Leaving Earth free for you to conquer. Oh well. Just going to have to put up with fighting Dib some more."

"YES!" Dib laughed at his own minor victory. "HA!"

"AGGGHHH!" Zim slapped his forehead.

Several light years later…

Dr. Falkie found himself strapped to a lab table. He had duct tape over his mouth and looked in horror. Two familiar aliens stood over him.

"Now this…This is an interesting specimen for our fusing experiments," One of the strange aliens that sounded like he had an Australian accent spoke. He was the blue eyed captain who had the Fred nametag on his uniform.

(Obviously the accent he had wasn't really Australian. But it sounded a lot like Australian due to an extraordinary coincidence.)

"It is isn't it?" The other alien said cheerfully.

"And what a nice note," Fred read. "Dear Aliens, I think you might enjoy using this rare Earth creature in your horrible fusing experiments. It's a White Coated Dipweed! Don't forget to torture him horribly. Love, Zim."

"Now that is just down right nice that is," The other alien said happily.

"Oh yes, shows lots of class," Fred agreed. "Right thoughtful too."

"Isn't it? We must send him a thank you note!"

"Of course we have to send him a thank you note. You know among all our abduction victims I think Zim is obviously the most polite," Fred agreed. "Well enough pleasantries. Prepare for the fusing…" He cackled as he got out the duct tape and juice.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Falkie screamed in terror through his gag.


End file.
